Being in a marriage, being female, being bound, enslaved, hitched, hiding, isolated, two people who are just as lonely as one, being alone together, to not want to venture out, to not take any chances, not to talk to a member of the opposite gender or get too close to a person of the same gender, jealousies, possessiveness, accusations of infidelity, never really knowing, trusting blindly, keeping only to yourself and to him, not being able to move, giving in and giving up.
Feeling sad as you dream of freedom, hearing only his voice, wishing for reprieve, the risk of poverty with a divorce, submission, worshipping him as a god, not in charge of your own life, lonely with or without him, he pays the bills and credit cards, no one there to repair broken household appliances, giving him more room in the bed, sleeping on the side, he is covered in blankets and you do without.
Pussy-footing around so not to anger him, but he becomes angry anyway. Using his broad shoulders to call the chips, listening with a deaf ear, not knowing when he is coming home, waiting at home getting more and more anxious, limiting your relationships with others, not giving out love freely, discrimination at home and at work, losing your confidence as you give everything up for him, not speaking first and not having the last word, feeling small, over-conscious of body weight too fat too thin, painting your face with make-up, dolling up, keeping your hair longer, tripping in high heel shoes to please him, taking second seat in everything you do together, nurturing him and not yourself, not having a say-so.
Freedom is only a door away. Doors open and people walk through them and they shut the doors behind them.
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